We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
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I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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