If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
