I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
