i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
