Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
