A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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