I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
