i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
