Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
