I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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