i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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