we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
