if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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