i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
