I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
they need to just BURY HIM!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
