ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
