she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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