Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
