If i come over, it means nothing
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Holy shit dude........stairs
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
