69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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