Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
