4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize