jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
