it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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