i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
