My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
