So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
