it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Mom said you looked used
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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