I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
