he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
