They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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