he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
