I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
