I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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