Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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