Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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