you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
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Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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