a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
