You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
