When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
