HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
