"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
