it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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