no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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