grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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