Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
