Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
