I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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