proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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