Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
