he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
