Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
