Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
