You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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