whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
