I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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