just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
