you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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