he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
