he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
