I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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