We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
