I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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