it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
