I'm so fucking centered right now
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
